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Do you want to know one of the most fascinating things about religious bullshit? Beyond the fact that there’s so much of it, anyway? It’s that you can make new religious bullshit out of just about any combination of any other religious bullshit there is out there.

The older the better. Because nothing like the patina of age to lend authenticity and credibility to bullshit.

And of course, you can just add in some shit you just make up. That’s the really fun part.

Spreading the love

I don’t talk about my own religious bullshit because my religious bullshit is my bullshit. Mine. All mine [Insert insane cackling here] you can’t have it.

I get generally unhappy when people try to shove their religious bullshit into that place where I have my own bullshit stored. No, I don’t want your chocolate in my fucking peanut butter.

But me, being on a quest of trying to be a better human being each day (kinda the point of religious bullshit), not always successfully, very gently and very politely nudge the bullshit back out of my bullshit bag and dust off any possible residue.

Now I live in a state where most people partake of the blue pill political bullshit. And everyone’s pretty “yeah… whatever” about everybody else’s religious bullshit. So you have a nice mix ranging from that traditional old-time religious bullshit to “wow. OK, never saw that before”.

And everyone’s mostly chill including the ones who try to spread it around.

Now head just a ways south to those states where folks are taking the red pill, and just maybe it would be a good idea to keep your own peculiar or different bullshit way down at the bottom of the bag. Having the wrong religious bullshit could go poorly. Which is still better than those countries were having the wrong religious bullshit in your bag could get you killed.


It’s important to understand that religious bullshit is religious bullshit. Doesn’t really matter the viscosity, texture or odor thereof. It behaves the same way. Just shuffle some names around and there’s a new pile right there.

Religious bullshit happens because we don’t get the cosmos. It’s bigger than us, it’s unquantifiable, and generally defies description. We all know it’s out there. Including those folks who say it ain’t. But what happens is we encounter the unexplainable?  We feel this need to explain it.

In days of old, when knights were bold, and science not yet invented, and shit like thunder and lightning would happen? We just didn’t have an answer as to why. So we made one up.

Enter a deity and his, or her, plethora of religious bullshit.  For a while there was a  deity for everything. And then someone thought: “you know, it would be really easy if there was just one.”   And that worked for most everybody.  And so humanity had a God. With all kinds of handy answers to questions like:  why is grass green and the sky blue. And since we already know deep inside there something much bigger and smarter than us out there, it works. Even after we figured out the thunder and lightning and rabbits making babies is just good old science applied by nature.

And that’s fine. It helps our meat brain put things in little boxes and close the box so we don’t have to think too hard about it anymore. When things go good we can give thanks to the deity. When they go not so good we have an anti-deity that we can blame.  And this also gives us some comforting notion that the cosmos gives a fuck, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Even though we have good science all around us, there is still enough unexplainable things to reinforce that there’s something bigger than us out there. For purposes of the bullshit manifesto we simply call it the cosmos. It’s simply is. 

When good bullshit goes bad

So this is the place where I think many religions start and then go wrong. They start with good intentions. So this is what happens:

The cosmos spins out a guy. Could be any guy. And this is a good guy with a message that basically says “wouldn’t it be really swell if we were all nice to each other?” And he does it in a way that brings a few people to a state of  awareness of the needs of others and the connection we have to the cosmos and each other. Thus he has a following, disciples and what not.

Sure he is tossing out some bullshit along with, but it’s benign enough bullshit. Safe for human consumption.

Then time passes. And here’s the disciple. And he’s writing down what the master said. “Thou shall love thy neighbor as thyself.” Then he started thinking and adds “and neither shall you wear purple shoes on Tuesday. Nor shall you wear purple shoes with a yellow hat at any time. 

Then some more time passes and a theological conclave is convened to discuss whether or not purple includes plum and periwinkle. Which leads to a divide between the purest Purplers and the heretical Periwinklers.

And the end result is the same. The religious bullshit has now festered and gone bad as the collective divides itself into “Us” and “those people over there”.

And let’s not forget about those other pesky people who just wear purple shoes and yellow hats whenever the fuck they feel like it. And wouldn’t we just love to do some things to fix them.

Pay attention, anytime religion and politics look like they’re about to fuck, someone needs to step in and cock block that encounter right then and there. The baby from that union is never pretty.

Religion + politics = very fucking bad

This is usually about the time religion gets the bright idea that by blending bullshit with politics, the government bullshit can be made more tractable in  turning dogmatic dictates into laws.

Pay attention, anytime religion and politics look like they’re about to fuck, someone needs to step in and cock block that  encounter right then and there. The baby from that union is never pretty.

What happens next depends on how much the religious and political bullshit get blended. Consequences for people with purple shoes and yellow hats could range anywhere from disapproving looks from friends and family all the way up to beheadings in the park on Saturday..

And the whole point their guy was trying to make RE: Lets just all be nice to one another”?

Yep. Totally lost in a sea of purple and periwinkle shoes and yellow fucking hats…

It doesn’t matter

Bet that got your attention. Right, whatever religious bullshit you choose to believe doesn’t matter.

So, if at the end of the day, it makes  a body a better person, why the fuck should anyone care if  a body sits naked a closet with a teddy bear waggling fingers at the coat rack while chanting “mmmmmwannawannablowjob” to the Great Kahoolie?

If that’s what makes a body happy, at peace and brings awareness of the connection between us all, then fucking do that and piss on whatever anyone else thinks.

Start a Meetup grou to help find other Kahoolians to get the social on, or at least find somebody to make  the Kahoolie chant come true.

In the end…

It doesn’t matter what your social status is, how big your stock portfolio is, what kind of bullshit you buy to surround yourself with or identify yourself with. Doesn’t matter what political bullshit collective you belong to. Or the religious bullshit collective you belong to.. Does. Not. Fucking. Matter.

We are all on an ultimately lonely road from darkness to darkness, and in the end, the only thing that matters is what we are and do for our fellow travelers who are on the same journey . Nothing else but that matters in the grand and great scheme of things.

And so I leave you with my pithy religious bullshit of the day.

On God striking people dead.
Ummm… he strikes everybody dead. Haven’t you noticed?

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