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In this of course wholly fictional universe of The Bullshit Manifesto, human beings are a melding of divine sparks and meatbots. The melding has a purpose, though seems like most times the melding has no clue what that is. 

But what is a spark? What is a meatbot? And together they make something that is more than animal but not quite divine, often not even close.

And the existential question of the hour…. WHY?


What is a meatbot? Simply put it is an animal. It eats, it shits. and in between, it does what it has to in order to eat and shit again. It is a magnificent biological machine. A machine defined by its base programming. It is programmed with self and self above all else. This goes way on back to the primordial effing ooze probably. The holy mission to eat and not get eaten. By whatever means said critter deems required. That underlies all the meatbot motives at the very core. Absent big toothy things who fancy tasty primates, this meatbot underlayer, part of the base operating system, hasn’t really evolved all the way up yet. Since the survival genes aren’t sure what to do with themselves these days, they engage in other activity, eat the best and shit gold. And every meatbot a little different. One might want all the money on earth, another might just want access to every porn site there is. Yet another might really enjoy hurting little animals and the odd person or two. Another gets a happy ordering thousands off to mind-wrecking horror and grisly death over some bullshit or another relating to those people over there. Pick your numbers and spin the wheel. The meatbot wants what the meatbot wants.

Yes. The meatbot is an asshole by its very nature. 

The meatbot is also of finite duration. It eats and shits until one day it doesn’t and the spark flies away. Yes, when you look at the antics of the more assholey among us it is clear in many cases that the Spark is simply along for the f*cking ride.

The Spark

The Spark is a piece of the cosmos. A tiny piece of the divine. It is, sadly, the oft-silent partner in the spark-meatbot melding. If you ask me, the spark is getting a kinda shitty deal, but I get it. The cosmos sees sparks as its children. And they need to learn to master the asshole before they are capable of joining the greater community of cosmic offspring. 

Simply put: Sparks need schooling. What better way than binding it to an animal, that is by nature pure asshole. Give it the task of learning to exercise total control of the said animal. And don’t supply anything remotely resembling a fucking meatbot manual. 

Think of the Spark as a higher level software running on top of meatbot firmware. The spark’s mission is to feed higher impulses and relay messages from the cosmos.

Higher Impulses

The Spark comes pre-equipped with the higher impulses such as courage, altruism, self-sacrifice, kindness, love. Impulses that are contrary to meatbot programming, because these impulses emphasize the welfare and well being of others over self. Seriously,  look at most instances of bullshit overload… yup. Selfish asshole right there in the middle. Think about it. Why did World War II happen? Because a Meatbot named Adolf without much in the way of a Spark at all was being a selfish asshole and a whole fucking country went selfish asshole 

Of course, higher purpose hits the Meat Filter which triggers routines such as “What’s in it for me?” 

Thus the impulse to do Decent Human Being things runs into a wall of asshole that only considers personal cost. 

It’s the Spark’s job to override the Asshole. 

Cosmic messenger

The Spark also serves as a messenger from the cosmos. An instrument of cosmic will if we could so describe it. Unfortunately, the Spark is left with the task of getting the message through the Meatmind Filter. Because our meat mind has its own ideas about shit. Ideas planted by both genetic memory and also all the bullshit crammed it from everyone from Mom to Pervey Uncle Henry to Pastor Dave.

So this is what happens:

The Cosmos sends Spark/Abdullah a Message: “Say, Abdullah. those people over there are hungry. Why don’t you load up the truck with food and take it over to them? Sure they are different. So? Doesn’t matter.” 

The Spark/Abdullah relays the message to Meatbot/Abdullah. After passing through the meat-mind filter, Meat/Abdullah gets the Message:

“Abdullah, faithful Martyr. Those people over there are angry. Load up the truck with explosives and take it over there and light it off. They’re different. That’s all that matters.” 

Spark vs Meatbot. And it’s the Spark’s job to get the Meatbot to get the message right.

Another example: The cosmos speaks to Spark/Pastor Dave. “Dave buddy, those guys over there are getting married. Why not bake them a nice cake and welcome them to the community. Sure they’re different. So? Doesn’t matter.”

Meatbot/Pastor Dave has his religious bullshit filter cranked up to ten, so the message is received as: “Hey Dave. You better not dare bake a cake for those perverts. You don’t want them in the community. They’re different. That matters.”

Spark vs Meatbot. And it’s the Spark’s job to get the Meatbot to get the message right.

Evolution: From Asshole to Decent Human Being

As was sadly before mentioned. There is a divine purpose to life.They get to try again to scale the ladder of spiritual evolution from Asshole to Decent Human Being. Being an Ordinary Peep isn’t enough.  And in the Universe of Bull, Sparks get do-overs. 

Do-overs and Cosmic Justice

One cosmology speaks of sparks who failed to control the asshole of their assigned meatbot being consigned to an eternal inferno as punishment. This doesn’t strike me as particularly just.

Now, take a spark bound to racist misogynist asshole of a meatbot that likes wearing white sheets and shouting epithets, and the spark just allows said meatbot to do just whatever the f*ck it wants.

Now, If the cosmos were to land that spark in a little female meatbot, in Africa, in a tribe where female genital mutilation is a thing so it can learn what it’s like to be on the receiving end of asshole, now that is justice. 

And the spark gets another chance to climb a little higher and a little closer to the mark of Decent Human Being: A Spark who has gained complete control over their assigned Meatbot, so the kindness, love, and altruistic desires for others flows from them in soothing waves to others trapped in a physical reality of bullshit